At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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