So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
