so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
