I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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