i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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