Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
this beer tastes like vomit already
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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