I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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