Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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