I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
