She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
