remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize