Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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