Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
