forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
