They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
