Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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