Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
