she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
