one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize