this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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