i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
