yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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