Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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