I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
