mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
