In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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