I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
pray to the hookup gods
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
