Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Ladies don't puke and tell
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
