I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize