The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
