Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
