she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
