at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
