He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
17 year olds will be the death of me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
