i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
