If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
