i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
