we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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