but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
