About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
