I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He felt like a one man threesome
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
