I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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