uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
