Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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