It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
