I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize