Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
