I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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