Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize