Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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