onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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