OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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