addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize