I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
