I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
