We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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