hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
