Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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