Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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