Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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