I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
