I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
