Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
