well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
