Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's blow job season.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
