I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
