If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
